Sometimes, sometimes often, we find ourself at odds with others. It could be about any number of reasons-- or no real reason at all. It's just that their point of view doesn't match up with ours. We find ourselves at odds. We love our friends and family but can't bring ourselves to admit to them something they see from another point of view puts us off; we feel anxiety and lack of acceptance because their attitude differs from our own. Are we traitors to the cause? Have we failed to come clean? Do we fear a lack of acceptance, or worse, a lack of response at all? Have we concealed our attitudes and opinions to 'keep the peace'?
When threatened or threatening to others by these types of unexpected finds or disclosures, many are inclined to react negatively as if duped or betrayed. We think, "How could you? I could never accept something like that! You-- you never told me that! Can't you think? What else are you keeping to yourself, or keeping from me?!"
Suddenly there is a point of view, a policy, a position we feel must be defended. And often we take to defense at all costs, alienating our most important others because of truths we can't bear to hear. In our protests, our indignation, rejections, we may well feel we're letting our real, true self out and airing what we know is a line in the sand that must be drawn. But nothing could be further from the truth! We aren't just letting our true colors be known, we aren't just sticking up for ourselves.
Our dearly held points of view have turned others into enemies; our friendship falls away, forgotten. Why? Because when what we're feeling most intensely as 'our point of view,' what we hope to impose upon others forms a sort of strait jacket. The you, the personal you is lost, bound up into a position, a point of view. How can we interact, confide what matters most to our hearts when demoted to a nameless, faceless 'you'?
Taking it back to the point of recognition of a real, personal you, we find our self and our heart. It is here where we can tell about our concerns, acknowledge our misgivings; and recognize you, like I may be alike in most ways and different in a few others.
As often is the case, it's not the subject one engages with, it's how that makes all the difference.