A thousand "reasons I should not spend my time with you"

Only When I Lose Myself

by Depeche Mode

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It's Only When I Lose Myself in someone else
Then I find myself
I find myself

It's Only When I Lose Myself in someone else
Then I find myself
I find myself
Something beautiful is happening inside for me
Something sensual, it's full of fire and mystery
I feel hypnotized, I feel paralyzed
I have found heaven

There's a thousand reasons
Why I should not spent my time with you
For every reason not to be here I can think of two
Keep me hanging on
Feeling nothing's wrong
Inside your heaven

It's Only When I Lose Myself in someone else
Then I find myself
I find myself
It's Only When I Lose Myself in someone else
Then I find myself
I find myself

I can feel the emptiness inside me fade & disappear
There's a feeling of content that now you are here
I feel satisfied
I belong inside
Your velvet heaven

Did I need to sell my soul
For pleasure like this
Did I have to lose control
To treasure your kiss

Did I need to place my heart
In the palm of your hand
Before I could even start
To understand

It's Only When I Lose Myself in someone else
Then I find myself
I find myself...

There's a thousand "reasons I should not spend my time with you" is among the lyrics to this meditation. The song succinctly describes the experience of many in this life.
The feeling of being, captured by love. A love that surprises, that overwhelms, lowering the normally defensive ego to allow the brilliance of a sun-filled day into our heart.
"Do I need to sell my soul for pleasure like this?"
 No, love is not bought or sold; it's given freely. We learn none of these fears are justified; if it is God who is the great creator of all, then it is god, who casts light among the beloveds.
All of creation is free in his reign. Love requires faith; it requires that we act though we cannot see; that the "evidence" lies only in a heart.
"Something beautiful is happening inside for me, Something sensual, it's full of fire and mystery I feel hypnotized, I feel paralyzed, I have found heaven..."

There is something to it: For those demanding a sign, Saint Matthew tells us in Chapter 16 that

"When Jesus went into the region of Caesarea Philippi he asked his disciples,“Who do people say that the Son of Man is?” They replied,“Some say John the Baptist, others Elijah, still others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”
He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?”

Simon Peter said in reply, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”
Jesus said to him in reply, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah. For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my heavenly Father.

And so I say to you, you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it. I will give you the keys to the kingdom of heaven.

Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.” Then he strictly ordered his disciples to tell no one that he was the Messiah.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.
For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

What profit would there be for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life?
Or what can one give in exchange for his life? "

 Bible, St. Matthew 16:13-20; 24-26

The Breath of Heaven

Breath of Heaven

by Chris Eaton, Amy Grant

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I have traveled many moonless night
Cold and weary, with a babe inside
And I wonder what I've done
Holy Father, you have come
And chosen me now
To carry your son

I am waiting in a silent prayer
I am frightened by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now
Be with me now

Breath of heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of heaven
Breath of heaven
Light up my darkness
Pour over me your holiness
For you are holy
Breath of heaven

Do you wonder as you watch my face
If a wiser one one should have had my place
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me...

All of us at one time or another are looking for a "breath of heaven." In hard times we struggle for that break to make it right, to make the "babe" we carry inside bright, peaceful light. We hope and pray for that light, that we not walk the road alone, frightened by the loads we must all bear. Help. Help me be strong. Like Mary, it is a prayer for all.

I Am Afraid to Tell You...

True Colors
by Cyndi Lauper
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You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Sometimes we're afraid of telling ourselves or others about what really matters to us. It may at times seem silly, but it happens to most of us at least some of the time. First we must recognize what is us, what belongs to us. And making that real is often accomplished, in part, by saying it aloud to someone else. We're like the lyrics says, afraid to let our true colors shine through, afraid to be real with you. Why? There is no one reason, really. Each of us have many and many unique reasons.

We may be afraid that if we tell, another will be "mad at us," we won't be liked, there is fear of criticism instead of the effort to understand what I'm struggling with, or that change will be necessary on the part of others. Fears that I will not be valued in my realness, that you may even prefer me to be unreal with you...
This last one is possibly the scariest; to find that our beloved isn't big enough or willing to support us in being true to ourselves. Possibly we think that a part of us will hate them for their lack. We might wonder, why are we in their company, what are we doing with them?

Sometimes we aren't owning our feelings or values because we sense a need to 'humor' our beloved. It seems like they just maybe can't or won't accept our news... That is a situation which over time, may eat away at us, leaving us with a feeling that we're trapped. In knots, afraid to tell my truth; it's a horrible feeling that I have to humor you. Playing pretend with you, afraid to tell what matters, what is truth for me; perhaps you will find me disloyal, insensitive, contrary.

Yet in the situation in which all the options seem possibly bad, like telling who I am, it is this place that we must arrive in order to stop making loyalty to oneself, to my own insides, less important or perceived as disloyal to you. Can I stay connected and stay real within your sphere? Do my true colors shine through?